Today was hard. I woke up not feeling great. I’m prone to migraines and one flared it’s ugly head this morning. I decided to stay home from work. I slept pretty solidly until about 2pm. I haven’t done that since the day after senior prom. I just had no energy and couldn’t get myself up. It was pretty similar to what happened yesterday but much worse.
I woke up starving. I opted for a delightful smoothie made of Greek yogurt, strawberries and unsweetened cocoa powder.
It hit the spot for a while but I felt some mad cravings bubbling up. See, every time I stay home from work I splurge on junk food as a way to make myself feel better. I tried everything I could to satisfy my psychological hunger pangs. Overnight I had put a roast in the crock pot. I sliced up a piece of that and ate it with an avocado, salsa, and a sprinkling of cheddar cheese. It was pretty yummy.
I just couldn’t shake that niggling feeling of wanting something. I really wanted something crunchy like a tortilla chip. Instead, I tried to make eggplant chips. They actually tasted pretty yummy.
Still the feeling remained. I tried to satiate myself with spoonfuls of almond butter, thinking that what I was really craving was fat. Nothing worked.
Finally, I gave in. I got dressed, grab my wallet and set out for Taco Bell. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it but tacos are my weakness. Ever since I can remember they’ve been my favorite food. And unfortunately I have easy access to my drug of choice since there is a TB only 2 blocks from my apartment.
Today was sunny and warm, one of the nicest we’ve had in Seattle in a long time. As I walked I started to think about what I was doing and why. What did I really want? I wasn’t even hungry. I ended up just walking around the block and going home. I realized that I was just trying to feed an emotion instead of feeling it. I also knew that there was no way I would feel good writing about falling face first into a nacho supreme, and there was no way that I couldn’t write about it (I suck at lying). Because really, at the end of the day, the point of this 21 day test is to change old habits and start making real progress toward improving my health.
Tomorrow is my third weigh in. I have no doubt in my mind that the number on the scale will be up tomorrow. I’ve pretty much done nothing but eat all day. At least I managed to eat all whole foods. We shall see.